The Ugly Duckling

I can remember it like it was yesterday. "Rachel, ou te led le-w te piti. Kounyea ou vin belle!" (Rachel, you were ugly when you were younger, but you are beautiful now). Lets, for a moment, just ignore the fact that my name is Raquel. Based on that alone I should've realized that her comment didn't hold any weight. I know this woman intended to give me a compliment, but in that moment I couldn't help but to feel played. She was refering to a picture of me during middle school. It is one of the most unflattering pictures of me and for a very long time I've tried to hide it whenever I've seen it pop up anywhere. Of all the photographs my parents could have purchased, they decided that THAT would be the one to spend their hard earned money on. SMH. I'm talking about people who would take the sample photo sent from my previous schools and use it to make copies, so they could save money. These folks purchased a complete package (I mean the whole shebang OKAY!) of this forsaken photo and ACTUALLY gave multiple copies out as gifts. Sigh

I've since forgiven them (besides, they probably didn't even understand the magnitude of my low self-esteem). Although I still don't understand the reason why my parents chose that photo, I look back and realize that for years I internalized what that woman said. On top of what the school bullies said about my skin complexion being too dark, I really believed that God made a huge mistake when He made me. I wanted to be lighter, have straighter hair, and a body that would make the boys look my way (You know 36-24-36). However, today, when I look at the woman in the mirror I often wonder how I could ever hate her beautiful 4c hair. How could I despise my melanated skin kissed by the sun? What rationale did I have to look at my God given temple in repulsion? If I could go back in time I would look that little girl straight in her big beautiful brown eyes and say

"Baby, you were NEVER an ugly duckling. You've been a swan this entire time."

I pray that today you see the beauty in how God chose to create you. Not only are you fearfully and wonderfully made, but you are a masterpiece without flaw.

O my love, you are altogether beautiful and fair. There is no flaw nor blemish in you!

Songs of Solomon 4:7

Raquel in the 6th grade

with joy,

Raquel