‘Tis The Season To Forgive

Am I the only one who thought that forgiveness meant saying “I forgive you” and then moving past the issue like it never happened? I know it’s unrealistic to move through life like this, but this mindset was the root of my fake forgiveness.

fake forgivenes- the idea that you’ve released people from your imaginary prison, only to find out that you still harbor anger, animosity, and/or negative feelings towards them when you see their face and/ or hear their name mentioned.

I want to keep it a buck with you: I am a recovering fake forgiver!!!

I struggle with unforgiveness! Growing up I knew I could hold a grudge and the silent treatment was my weapon of choice. I was like Oprah: “You’re getting cut off, You’re getting cut off, and you, and you too!” I took offense to everything (real and perceived). It became so bad that I began picking up other people’s offenses for them. (i.e. my brother’s ex-girlfriend, at one point, was on the top of my “If they catch on fire, don’t throw water on them” list.) This way of life was my illusion of protection; it was my peace. It just made sense until it no longer made sense. I did not understand the magnitude of my unforgiving nature until this past summer.

It was towards the end of my first trimester and for some peculiar reason I had the opportunity to confront the person who molested me as a child. I had two choices:

1. Take the high road and not seek revenge.

2. Dig my nails into this situation and unleash my anger.

What did I do? Well... I took matters into my own hands,of course, and made sure this person knew exactly how I felt. It was as if I took a bat to a windshield with every word I uttered. In that moment, I wanted him to feel how I felt, by any means necessary. However, what I failed to realize was the destruction I was doing to my own heart. To be completely transparent, after I rededicated my life to following Jesus I met with my abuser and spoke my piece. When it was all said and done I told him that forgave him. Jesus was in my heart and knows deep down that I wanted to forgive this man, but for whatever reason I could not seem to be consistent. One day I was sure I forgave him and other days I would curse his existence (and worse).

It is obvious now that my heart was not at ease or in peace. As much as I wanted freedom, I would never fully attain it if I was locked away in my tower, shooting arrows of unforgiveness to anyone who has ever hurt me or my loved ones. I needed (and still need) a change.

This Christmas the things that I desire the most are an un-offendable heart and the strength to genuinely forgive everyday (especially when I feel the person/people don’t deserve it). Although I have yet to reach half way there, I know it isn’t impossible. I truly believe that, with God’s help, I can forgive without the fakery just as He forgives me.

Here are some gems that have been helping me. I pray they are a blessing to you :

Forgiveness University

How to Handle Betrayal

with joy,

Raquel